Vicar’s February letter

Dear friends,

I don’t know what your thoughts are about St Valentine’s Day. I have to admit I am not a huge fan. I don’t think that this is because I am not romantic (you could maybe check withSianabout her thoughts on that!). I just think that it is all a bit commercialised and more about selling cards, flowers and chocolates than about promoting love. I am not a big sender of Christmas cards, birthday cards or anniversary cards either. For the record, I have always told my children not to bother with Father’s Day for exactly the same reasons.

You might be wondering why I do not feel differently about St Valentine’s Day, given that it is a saint’s day rather than just something made up by the greeting card industry. Actually, nothing is known of the saint remembered on 14 February other than the date (14 Feb) and place (Via Flaminia north of Rome) of his burial and the date of his birth (16 April). The 14 February is not recognised as a festival or significant saint’s day by any denomination. St Valentine is not officially recognised as having anything to do with lovers or being in love. Much of the modern-day celebrations and traditions are in fact derived from a Geoffrey Chaucer poem Parliament of Fowls, which talks about St Valentine’s Day being a special day for lovers. There was no record of such an associated before the publishing of the poem.

So is it wrong to celebrate St Valentine’s Day with cards, chocolates, flowers or other tokens of our affection? Of course not! Such gifts are always appropriate and would be appreciated at any time – no need to wait for St Valentine’s Day. If you love someone, tell them; tell them often. Work out how you can show your love as well. Dr Gary Chapman’s book The Five Love Languages explores this idea. He suggests that the five love languages are quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, or physical touch and believes that we each have a dominant love language which means more to us than the others. So giving someone flowers will mean more to them than an evening out or holding hands whereas for someone else helping with some job they have to do will mean more than gifts or words. You get the idea. I’m not sure that Chapman’s list covers all the ways we can communicate our feelings or that we each have a particular language that means more to us than the others. I think that particular expressions of love are particularly appropriate at particular times and the ‘right’ language at one time might be different from that at another time in another situation. Think about this though and talk about it.

When we think of love we often think of Paul’s famous passage in 1 Corinthians 13: Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. This is the most popular reading at weddings and seems appropriate, but Paul is talking about relationships within the church fellowship rather than relationships between couples. Also he is describing how things ought to be rather than how they were in the church he was writing to. The passage occurs in the middle of a three chapter discussion of spiritual gifts and challenges church members to be less proud and boastful about the use of different gifts within the church.

The Greek word that Paul actually uses is ‘agape’, which refers to a decision, a commitment to love rather than being in love. (A different Greek word ‘eros’ describes the love between a couple.) So what can we learn from Paul at this time of the year as we think about love? Well, the relationships that we have within the church are very important. Jesus says that it is by our love for one another that we will be known as Christians. Is this true of our relationships? In this passage Paul is challenging church members about their attitudes to themselves and others in the church, particularly with respect to the different gifts and ministries that people have. Pride, boasting and envy have obviously become issues. Paul frequently talks about the church being the body of Christ and about each part of the body being equally important whatever role it plays.

Although I may be missing something, I don’t think Paul would have the same concerns about our relationships and attitudes, but equally I’m sure we should think about these things and think about relationships within the churches and the benefice and with those who visit us. Most people who join churches do so because they make friends there. Being a friendly church isn’t the same as being a church where you can make friends. What could we do to make more effort to make friends with people visiting our churches to help them to settle and become members?

Have a great Valentine’s Day! But also communicate your feelings to those who you love, value and honour others in the church (whatever their roles) and seek to make new friends.

God bless

Mike